"...my husband and I are following the emails. It's probably the most accurate thing either of us has read. "
"Though it has only been 8 days since I’ve started this challenge, the change in me and our marriage is so incredibly huge!!! We have not had a fight in 8 days and I have to be honest that in the last 7 months we seriously did not go one day without harsh ugly words towards each other. So I will celebrate these last 8 days as a victory!!! All the praise and glory to God!!"
"The challenge that was given in each email was very helpful. My wife and I have been married over 20 years and we had something come in between us. This sent our marriage into the crazy cycle. It just uncovered hurts and past events that were already there. Over the time and reading and praying, God revealed I have many past hurts from my upbringing I never dealt with, which are reflected in outbursts when tension arises. ...working through the 15 day challenge, I am learning to LOVE my wife in a deeper way to see her heart not her attacks. I have never needed this 15 day challenge more than I did over the last few months."
"My wife and I just did your plan separately and we have found ourselves resolving things a lot better recently...I have found this very helpful and most insightful as to the man's path in a marriage."
"Thank you so much for the 15-day plan...I really was happy to have a review of the material and the ability to print it out and apply it over and over! I intend to keep reading it from time to time and I am sure the application will be ongoing in my marriage. What stood out to me in the 15-day plan: awareness of the differences in our felt needs, the importance of the tone used in conversation, avoiding contempt, expressing positive regard for the person, and the significance of giving your spouse what they need but do not deserve."
"I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity to tell you some great news. With the help of the 15 day challenge, my marriage is on much better footing. Probably in the best place we have ever been in years. I will tell you that the most challenging of your challenges was to apologize. I feel like I am always saying I am sorry for something so it seemed like a broken record but I did it. Well, just yesterday, my wife looks me right in the eye and says, "...for the past three weeks you have been the most amazing husband"...You and your wife have truly been instrumental in saving my marriage. Be blessed sir."
"You have given voice to what I have been feeling over the last 15 years of our marriage. Frustrated at not being able to verbalize my feelings, I withdrew and stonewalled until I would blow up. Your simple truths rang true with my heart. The section on sexual tensions has been a reflection of where I am...Thank you for giving me hope. "
"I cannot thank you enough for sharing the wisdom and insight you have been blessed with. I have been married [for a long time], and it has been a roller coaster. For the last [few] years, our marriage was quiet. We just tolerated each other…[Now] [i]nstead of taking the defense, and jumping on the crazy cycle, I've begun to recognize the signs and symptoms of the crazy cycle and it has changed how I respond. I have seen a change in my husband and it’s amazing."
"Yesterday I tried the "60 Second Test." My husband did not follow me after I commented on the ways I respect him and I was a little disappointed but I assumed I didn't word my statement right. This morning he was in a grumpy mood and as he huffed away to our bedroom he said, "I just want to be awesome like I was yesterday!" This is an odd statement for him so I asked for some clarification. He said that yesterday I had told him I respected him and he wanted to be the same man today that I respected yesterday. It made me smile and I thought you'd like to know. Bring on the next challenge!"
"The challenge that was given in each email was very helpful. My wife and I … had a troubled teenager come in between us. This sent our marriage into the crazy cycle. It just uncovered hurts and past events that were already there…Now going through the study deeper and working through the 15 Day Plan, I am learning to LOVE my wife in a deeper way to see her heart, not her attacks."
"I just want to say that this has impacted not only me, but my household, and I am so grateful."
"Just wanted to say that this ministry is really blessing my life. I have been able to share it with other people and it already blessed them as well! Please don't EVER GIVE UP! I am sure sometimes, it must be very difficult. But it is so worthy to spread this message. So many marriages being attacked and in need of information like this."
During the 15-Day Plan, I will guide you to:
1. Do the #1 thing in a conversation that according to research can most help your relationship.
2. Apply the 60-second test toward your spouse that reveals the power you have to influence the relationship.
3. See a pink and blue difference that many have testified was an Ah-ha moment that changed their marriage for the better.
4. Recognize that the method you use to motivate your spouse could be having the opposite effect you intend, even though you have goodwill.
5. Jump off what I call the Crazy Cycle that you keep spinning on because you innocently overlook decoding why you and your spouse react to each other.
6. Soften the spirit of your spouse by writing a few sentences in a note that I will help you write.
7. Understand the powerful significance and joy of giving your spouse what they need but do not deserve.
Having said the above, I completely recognize the despair and hopelessness some of you have. I will not minimize the seriousness of your situation and pain. But were we to sit and chat face to face about your circumstances and relationship, I would still move forward with you on these topics. Though there is more to your marriage than these seven actions, these seven would be part of my discussion with you, and must be part of your efforts to help move your relationship forward. Though acting on these things does not guarantee healing in your relationship, you cannot have health apart from these seven actions.
You will also be provided an opportunity to "Ask Emerson" a question about the task (i.e., the topic) for that day. These questions are very helpful to me as I create responses to your concerns.
Are you ready to sign up and begin “The 15-Day Plan to Help Your Marriage”?
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With Love and Respect,
Emerson Eggerichs, Ph.D.
Founder and President of Love and Respect Ministries
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